Home Away From Home

Assisted Living Facilities may become an alternative as we age. It isn’t easy to find a place suitable for the needs of your family or loved one when they become unable to totally care for themselves. These facilities offer many advantages for a person who feels depressed or needs help with daily activities. Several different types of homes exist, but you would want to check out the needs of the patient and the advantages of each facility before signing a contract for your loved ones. Not all are alike, so let’s examine how to find the right one. It depends on how healthy or active the person is. Are they active and over 55? It’s important to consider if you have dementia/Alzheimer’s or any other condition that might require special attention. Or, you may just be looking for an amazing place to live?

There are several different facilities, according to the needs of the resident, which offer activities to suit their needs. Activities consist of daily exercises, shopping trips, music performance, cooking demos, manicures, bowling, volley ball and golf. Activities and special events are normally planned on a week to week basis. There are movie nights and trips to the store. Their vehicles are equipped for wheel chair patients and supervised by attendants who assist with physically challenged residents.

If you are able to cook and do things for yourself, you may want an Active 55 or independent living facility. Some places offer 1 and 2 bedroom suites. These come with many amenities, and are often fully equipped with washer and dryer, granite countertops, central air, walk-in closets, and covered parking. Residents can enjoy an amenity package that includes a barbeque area, beautiful courtyard and fountain, fire place, resident lounge. Some have a café, full service hair and nail salon, library and genealogy center, game room, fitness center and more.

There are other community resources and people who volunteer to consult residents about elderly challenges and issues such as Medicare, Social Security, Wills and Insurance. Some volunteer organizations ask permission for their members to visit with residents and read to them or write letters for them. .

MEMORY UNITS – These units have Caregivers to be with the residents and watch over them. These facilities offer many advantages for a person who needs help with daily activities. Special meals are prepared and brought into the Unit. Aids (CNAs) are with the residents at all times and assist with bathing, comforting, and checking on them often to see that their daily needs are met. They even play games and help with small tasks for the mentally impaired. The nurses check vital signs and administer medication, and there is usually a doctor who comes in when needed.

5 Things Do Well Before Entering Assisted Living

Going into an assisted living facility is a big decision, and one that should not, (and often cannot) be made on the spur of the moment. Many people will want to stay independent for as long as possible without being a burden on their families, so it makes assisted living a great alternative to traditional nursing home care. But are there things that should be prepared far in advance of entering a facility like this? The short answer is yes. For the long answer, read below!

Make sure to have your financial situation thoroughly checked Hire a financial advisor who can advise you about your estate. If you are planning on selling it to a family member or someone else in order to help pay for your twilight years, find out from them when would be the best time to do this. If you do not take care of your financial issues, and tell your money and assets where to go, you can rest assured that the state will one day do it for you, but you may not like where it all ends up.
Stay up to date on the insurances that you will still need. If you sell your home & vehicle, you'll no longer need home insurance or car insurance, but you still have to have some form of health insurance. If you are on medicare, make sure you'll have everything covered that you need to have covered before making your moves, not after. Insurance can get very confusing, and if you feel in over your head, do not hesitate to ask for help so that you can understand the huge tangled mess that it weaves. Also look at your life insurance policy to make sure it's all up-to-date. Find out if there are any changes you need to make to either of these.
Update your will. No one likes to think about death, yet it is not something that anyone escapes. Make sure your will is updated with any new information that it needs, and that it is done in front of an attorney to make it legally binding. Even if your family is clear on your wishes, this is necessary to protect your assets from the state, should there come any discrepancies regarding your property or belongings.
Give permissions to whomever needs permissions to handle business for you. If you are planning to go into assisted living, it means that you'll no longer be out and about on your own to do your business. Even if you can still visit the bank, insurance/investment company along with this person, it is a good idea to make sure they have permission to act on your behalf in case you are not well enough to accompany them. Be sure it is someone you trust implicitly, obviously, but then get everything taken care of ahead of a move so that you do not need to worry about it once you're moved in.
Get things boxed, labeled and donated. The best plan of attack with larger items is to place post -it notes on the furniture to tell where it is going or to whom. Put ideas on pieces that you're unsure of and ask if someone would like it or could use it. If they cannot, do not be offended. They have their own things, after all. If no one that you know can use it, call a local charity shop and ask if they offer pick up service. They should come and get it and give you a tax deductible receipt. This also eliminates the extra stress on family members who are helping you move, if everything is labeled. It's a good idea to start this process at least a year before you think you may move, as it is an exhausting prospect, especially if you've lived in the same place for over 20 years. Think about what you'd like to do with extra sheets/towels, disposable dishes & silverware, laundry detergent, etc. Find out what is offered at the home you're moving to and try to use up or give away anything that is consumable so that you're not left with strange odds and ends on moving day.

This decision is a major life choice. It should not be undertaken lightly or at the last minute, though there are times when unexpected events occur. If you think that there might be a time when you'll enter an assisted living home, start planning now so that the transition is as seamless as possible. You'll feel so much better about it, and your family will thank you!

Nursing Homes and Loneliness

Okay, let's all just admit it, nursing homes can be rather depressing. The visitors notice it, the staff notice it, & the clients do not mince words about it. Long hallways with group dining rooms at each end make one think of hospitals. Even if there are colorful decorations on the walls, the comparison is impossible not to make. It is, of course, a nursing care facility. The clients wouldn't be there unless they had need of that nursing care. And so, with the holidays in full swing, I want to address the inevitable topic of loneliness in nursing homes. It is there, if you're brave enough to face it. But does it have to be? I don't think so. I'd like to address the staff, families with loved ones who live in a facility like this, and finally the clients who live there because it takes all three of these to make care homes less lonely and more like an actual home.

First: staff. Your shoulders already carry a great burden. You walk each day into your workplace knowing that someone you've grown to love may have passed on in the night. It can be easy to begin to distance yourself emotionally from the patients in order to protect yourself from further hurt, but please don't. You are often the only smiling face that they see in a day & maybe the only face. If the faces you see are so limited in number, it means a great deal whether they are wearing a smile, a grimace or a stern frown. Greeting them and asking about their family is very important. Remembering the names of some of their grandchildren can mean the world. Taking five extra minutes to hear a story you've already heard can brighten their day. Sometimes they know they've already told you the story...they just want someone to be near and they haven't been anywhere in a long time so they don't have any new stories. Keep encouraging them to write to loved ones, to reach out, to visit with their neighbor lady down the hall, to join in the activities. We all need connection, and with it, the loneliness ebbs away.

Second: family. You're exhausted from having to deal with all of the medical emergencies and financial difficulties of your loved one who has gone into care. It requires almost a full time job just to sort all of the paperwork involved. You probably haven't even started fully sifting the emotions of watching your loved one lose their independence. If you have, that can be even more painful than the paperwork involved in finding the help they need. You may be tempted to call them less frequently, or stop in less often because they might very well be angry with the world (and you) for the situation they find themselves in. Don't. If anything, call more often and visit more often. Especially during the holidays. The feelings they are having are acute indicators that they still have fight left in them. Let them know that they're not forgotten because they moved addresses. Also, help them to re-discover some of what made them who they were before they went into nursing care. If they were always caring for others, it can make it very difficult for them to sit back with nothing to do. Find outlets for their creativity, their talents and their love of others so that they don't lose heart and so that they don't lose purpose. It's important for all of us, but especially for them as they struggle with feelings of uselessness. Keep brainstorming until you come up with something they'll really enjoy.

Third: clients. Despite everyone else's best efforts, no one else can make you feel better if you are determined to close off your heart. It hurts to care. It hurts not be able to do what we once did or see who used to see regularly, but if you open your heart to the new people around you, you might find a great deal of purpose in your life. Some of the nurses caring for you might be going through a painful divorce. Some might have severely handicapped children at home. Some of the other residents might have extreme and chronic pain. There may be people in your new circle of acquaintances that would really benefit from a shoulder to cry on or at least a listening ear or a smiling face. Those who are younger might very well be willing to listen to some sage advice from someone who has trodden the path of life for many years and has far more experience.

This life is tough. It's tough for you and it's tough for them. If we all allow our hearts to open to one another, however, we might find the loneliness begins to subside and a real family atmosphere begin to develop, even in nursing homes.

Making the Decision to Move to a Nursing Home

Nursing homes across the country have gotten a bad rap over the past decade. Some have been found guilty of negligence and have had people within that are malicious and cruel. That is absolutely inexcusable and they've been prosecuted. By and large, however, nursing homes provide care for our very aged or infirm loved ones when they cannot care for themselves any longer & when it is not even advisable for those who love them to care for them at home. An assisted living facility is a natural progressive step between living on their own and a fuller care facility, but some people must transition straight to increased care because of extreme health circumstances. In many circumstances, the decisions for these things are made by the facts of living situations. Assisted living facilities can only go so far with care, as they are not as fully staffed as nursing care facilities. They can check in with your loved one several times throughout the day and be there when necessary, but they cannot keep them safe if they have Alzheimer's or dementia. They can not do toileting duties or bedside care. So, how do you help a family member make a decision to go into care, or if they're not themselves, how do you decide for them?

Assess the facts. Is the person safe? This should be the first priority in any situation. I've seen countless families struggle with the decision of a beloved family member going into care because they cannot afford a facility, or because they think it is more honorable to keep them at home. If however, that person is in danger because they have lost touch with reality and especially if they are prone to wander away from the home or engage in other dangerous activities (ie. Leaving the gas stove on or lighting fires) it is no longer safe for them to be at home. They need 24 hour care. And the last time I checked, there is not one person who can give 24 hour care, because you are not able to stay up continuously for 24 hrs a day, 7 days a week! You need a whole team of individuals to give that extent of care in order for everyone to be well rested, alert and safe.
Take stock of whether they or their caretakes are able to take care of their physical needs. If they are able to feed themselves, bathe & toilet themselves without difficulty, they are probably fine to stay where they are. If there comes a day when they are unable to do these things without extensive help, it is time to consider a nursing home. If their abilities are lost because of a surgery or an injury, a nursing or rehab facility might only be temporary.
Consider their quality of life. Sometimes the best way to make the decision is to look at the place where they will receive the best care. If you are the caretaker, for instance, and you are able to take care of the daily physical needs that they have, but are unable to get them out and about for any social interaction or activities because you also need to work from home in order to pay the bills, it might be time for a change. Their end of life should not consist in simply watching television.
Be compassionate. When I encourage compassion, I am telling you to have compassion for the current caretakers in the situation they're in. If that is yourself, have compassion on yourself. If it is staff at an assisted living or rehab facility, have compassion on them. And finally, have compassion on the person who needs care. It is necessary to have a balanced view of compassion in this situation, because oftentimes people place all their care & compassion on the individual that needs extra care to the exclusion of their own health and well-being or to the exclusion of listening to another caretaker. This is a recipe for burnout and bitterness. Our loved ones would never want their care to become such that it affects the health and well-being of their caretakers. So, practice compassion. And if you determine that it is time for a change, begin the process. Do expect that there may be some difficult times ahead when you are discussing this with your loved one. There may be anger, feelings of abandonment and betrayal. You would probably feel the same in those circumstances.

This decision is stressful for family, and might be devastating to the individual that needs to enter care. If they are not fully in their right mind, it can be even more difficult for them to accept or understand. It is especially important to maintain contact with them during the transitional time, whether they are angry or not. Once they are settled, re-establish a routine so that they know you'll still be involved in their lives, that you love and care for them and that you're not abandoning them to go off and enjoy a worry-free life.

Above all, keep your head throughout the process. It's difficult, but it is just that, it is a transition and it is not the end of the road. Encourage them, encourage the rest of your family. You'll need a team of positive people to get through the next stretch of the journey, so be one of those people yourself!