Communication Across the Generations

How often have we heard someone who is younger comment about their difficulty in communicating with an older relative or friend? Has it been way too long since our last meaningful conversation with our younger friends and family members? This concern is becoming more common as technology progresses. Newer forms of staying connected through communication is also increasing. It appears there is an amount of push back from younger generations that are not able to understand why it might be difficult for those of us who are aging to be able to make the jump between two seemingly different worlds. So how do we bridge this communication gap that only seems to be widening?

Moving at the Speed of Life - Not Light

First, it's important to remember that our younger counterpart is most likely not trying to make us upset or ignore us. The speed of life has reached an all time high! Communication today is almost instantaneous and patience seems to be a lost virtue. It is not only common now, but also expected that everyone moves along at this fast pace. They juggle more than they ever have before. Calendars are jammed packed with Zoom (virtual) meetings and phone calls, interrupted by text messages, emails and snap chats.

It can be incredibly stressful to live under that pressure today. When we speak with those living in this high stress, fast-paced world, try inquiring about how they are feeling with this pressure. Express understanding about how stressful it must be for them. One approach that can help bring you closer is to let them know they always have you. They have a place and time where they can speak to you in person in a much calmer environment. That alone may be enough for them to look forward to visiting or calling more often.

Remain Calm - They Love Us

Second, it's important to remain calm when speaking about any difficulty we are having with anyone. Especially with someone coming from a very different perspective or life experience. Even if we have a good point to make, it comes across much better if we are calm when stating our opinion than if we are already angry. So, when we need to approach our friend and loved one, try to remember to stay calm as we say, “I've tried to call you a number of times, but I haven't heard from you in weeks.”

Change is the Only Constant

Third, recognize that they may not be used to communicating in some of the ways we are accustomed to communicating. Such as using the phone or visiting in person. Along with everything else in our world, means of communications have been changing at an alarming rate. These days people are far more used to communicating via text message, email or Facebook than through letters or even calls on the telephone. Staring at a screen is the new norm. Eye contact seems to be a lost art.

Whatever our opinion is of this change in communication and society, it is a reality, at least for now. So, if we're really wanting to stay in touch with someone, be sure to ask them about the best time to contact them and the best way to reach them. I've met many grandparents who started an Instagram account just so to be better connected to their grandchildrens' lives (as their parents post numerous pictures of them on Instagram).

Put Down the Phone - Connect by Disconnecting

Finally, if you have a younger friend who visits or calls regularly, be sure to let them know how much you appreciate them and their time. Encourage them to take time to disconnect from the hectic communication forms that are prevalent in today's world. Put the smart phone down and breath! As they learn how to engage more fully with the people they are with, they will be appreciative of you and you're helping them to connect by disconnecting.

Everyone can learn from previous generations! While we need to learn more about the technology of today's world and the forms of communication that comes with it, there are also a few things that we can teach others about the closeness that comes from older forms of communication. Communicating (and the building of meaningful relationships) is not, nor has it ever been, easy and requires our effort. It is, however, worth it for those that pursue genuine relationships.

If you have enjoyed this article, try reading a few of our other posts. A related article about the benefits of good communication is Overcoming Loneliness.

Overcoming Loneliness

Loneliness is an evasive thing. People have been studying it for years, especially in elderly adults who seem prone to sadness and isolation. But, those studies have contradictory data. Some of them include statistics for people who “feel isolated” while others only study data from people who have been so lonely and depressed that they’ve opted for medical help. Because of all of this conflicting data, we don’t really know as much about the causes of loneliness as we’d like. We do, however, know more than we used to. There are certain consistencies in the data that help us narrow down some factors of loneliness.

Moving to a new place and living there for less than a year appears to be a catalyst for loneliness, especially in older people. This is most likely due to changing relationships. If a senior citizen moves, they’ll lose relationships that they may not have even recognized as important to them. They’ll no longer chat with the postal worker or the same grocery store attendants that they used to. They may not be able to invite the neighborhood boy that mows their lawn for a lemonade. Over time, they’ll gain other social connections that are similar, but immediately after a move, those changes can add up to an unoccupied space that others used to fill for them. It will take some intentionality after a move to form new relationships but establishing them is important for all involved.

Being involved in a church or another place where you can volunteer also seems to have larger impacts on the elderly. Perhaps because the connections formed there can give you some commonality of purpose and a desire to help others, involvement in these types of things, keeps people from being lonely. Knowing that you are contributing to society and that your input is needed and appreciated can do a great deal to stave off loneliness and depression. Those who choose not to be involved in these have higher rates of loneliness. Find out small ways to get involved in an activity that interests you, but this also helps others. It will be beneficial for the organization and for you!

Hobbies are another option for pushing off loneliness. The data is not conclusive on why hobbies can help, but it seems reasonable enough to say that if you have a hobby that you’re passionate about, you’re probably a bit more interesting to talk to. If you find someone that is interested in the same thing, you can connect with them on a deeper level of communication than just the weather. Even if the other person is not interested in exactly the same thing, they’ll understand your passion and your interaction will be livelier. You may also learn about what they are passionate about!

Loneliness can have huge and lasting impacts on our health. It is said to be just as damaging as smoking 15 cigarettes a day! It can lower your immune system’s ability to fight. It can also cause you to be pushed to the outside of social networks with others who are lonely. It is a strange conundrum that if you are feeling lonely, people tend to push you further away. This may be because your loneliness makes them feel more lonely, in turn. But all of these things are based upon people’s feelings & perceptions of their situations. If you can change those feelings and perceptions, you can change being lonely.

A recent study in the UK watched people on public transport. Those who initiated conversations with strangers were reported as less lonely. Those who only talked if someone else initiated conversation were more lonely and those who refused to interact with strangers were the most lonely. They then studied the same people and asked those who were not generally comfortable with initiating conversation to begin doing that. It is a simple and seemingly inconsequential change for someone to make, but it had huge impacts on their feelings afterward. They felt generally more positive and less lonely!

You may be feeling lonely and isolated, but that does not mean you have to become an extreme extrovert to overcome those feelings. Sometimes it is the small, daily acts that can have the largest impact over the course of months of our lives! Initiate conversation. Get a hobby. Start volunteering. Recognize the loneliness dissipate.

5 Tips To Help You Make New Friends

Aging comes with many difficult challenges. Meeting those challenges often requires that new skills be learned in order to adapt and survive. A hip replacement requires that you learn a new way to sit. A decision to stop driving may mean that you need to learn to use public transportation of some kind. So, it should come with no surprise that you may need to acquire new skills in socializing in new situations, too.

It is usually true that as we get older than most of our peers, many of our close friends, and even our acquaintances have not made it as long as we have in life. It’s a very challenging problem to have. On one hand, it makes us sad to lose so many people who have the same memories that we have, the people we’ve shared our lives with. On the other hand, if we are only to focus on what we’ve lost, we ourselves will shrivel up and lose the hope that’s necessary to move forward in our lives. One of the new skills we’ll need to acquire to adapt to this new way of life is making new friends. If you’re not a naturally extroverted person, it may have been several years (or even decades) since you’ve had to put a lot of effort into making new connections.

If you haven’t tried making friends for some time, here are a few tips to get you started.

Be friendly. Some of us have forgotten what it’s like to ask how another person’s day is going. Ask about family, grand-children, or whether they’re feeling okay in the excessive heat. A little friendliness can go a long way toward opening discussion.
Find new places to socialize. If you are not finding what you need in the places you currently frequent, try other spots. Try a hobby club, a book club, or even take a stroll at a farmer’s market. Go to an event you wouldn’t normally go to at church or in your community. Interacting in new places will naturally introduce you to new people.
Reach out. If there are people that need help in your community, see if you can fill the need. Cancer patients receiving treatments and sitting for hours might be in need of visitation. Join a group that makes mats for the homeless or quilts for the struggling or refugees. Even food banks can use help. Even if you cannot do heavy lifting, you can help by organizing food drives and advertising them.
Practice conversation. Sometimes our skills need to be honed on a more technical level. We may be stuck in a rut of asking yes/no questions. Practice asking open-ended conversations. Normally you might say, “Did you have a nice time with your children this weekend?” Think about how you might rephrase that sentence. Consider asking, “What was your favorite part about your time with your children?” You can start practicing when you’re by yourself. Think about what questions you’d like someone else to ask you about. Are there parts of your life that you’d love to share with others, but that no one asks you about? If your career was important to you as a younger person, ask about what another person did for work in their younger years. Practice not only how to start conversations, but also how to think of creative ways to continue them using open-ended questions. While you’re watching a program on TV, pause it and re-word direct yes/no questions in more meaningful ways. Think about how much more you will learn about people when you do this.
Stay in touch. Once you’ve made contact with someone that seems promising and like you might like to continue the relationship, make an effort to stay in contact. Ask for their phone number or plan to get together again. Most of the time, these things require a bit of scheduling energy, since our society is very over-scheduled. It is worth the effort, however, especially if you both sense that there might be a relational benefit.

Making new friends is not rocket science, but it does take tremendous effort. You will find people along the way who do not suit you, or you them. Do not be discouraged by that. You will find people who do not have time to devote to another relationship. Do not let that worry you. Those that you find that have potential will be that much sweeter when you find them. This thing that you are after, friendship, is worth much effort. Friendships can help to stave off loneliness and can improve your health and well-being. It is well worth any amount of time and energy that you put into it.

“Ten minutes with a genuine friend is worth years spent with anyone else.” Crystal Woods

Community

Most people are aware that community is healthy for elderly citizens. Our article on loneliness discussed some practical ways that seniors can combat the routine loneliness that tries to overtake them. All of those ideas are important, but the community aspect of senior life is one of the most important because without at least a small community, many people fall through the cracks. So, if you are a senior citizen in a smaller, rural community, this article will give you some ideas of places to go where you can meet others and help cultivate an appreciation for others in all generations and also establish contact that will benefit you and others around you.

Farmer’s Markets. These lovely little pop up markets are common to smaller towns. They are full of a rich variety of people offering great food and produce. If your town or area has one, you could benefit nutritionally from above par produce, but you could also benefit if you return regularly by meeting and establishing relationships with the same vendors week after week!
Art Guilds. If you are from a smaller community, there are generally established art guilds in the area that encourage certain artforms, such as quilting, spinning, wood-working, etc. If any of those things is within your interest area or expertise, it is work looking into. Once there, you’ll find others who share your talents and interests.
Extension offices. Most states have these offices and they have information on all kinds of activities to get involved with. There are often classes and particular clubs that meet in your area that focus on everything from homemaking to agricultural or gardening interests.
Co-ops. Whether they are food buying co-ops or other types, co-ops are a great place to meet people who are like-minded.

5. If you’ve never been a church goer, you may not realize the incredible sense of community that comes from being surrounded by those who care. Churches are a great place to cultivate relationships that are long lasting.

6. Gym or exercise classes. Try your hand at a gym or health club membership, especially if they offer classes for other seniors that have programs that are specific for the elderly. It’s possible to get in shape and make friends all at one time.

7. Community theatre or music. If your town has a community theatre organization, they may love to have your talents on display for their acts, or they may benefit greatly from your other skills in costuming or even for practice reading lines. If this interests you, try out.

8. Festivals or celebrations. Most small communities have at least a few festivals per year. Find out how you can be involved, even if it is acting as Santa or Mrs. Claus for the local children at Christmas! If your community has a parade, find out if there’s someone who needs a volunteer to throw candy from a car or float.

Instead of focusing on things that you cannot do, think about what you COULD help with and look for opportunities to get involved. It might be an inspiration for other generations, and also for those from your own generation as they look for community of their own!

Reaching Out, Combatting Loneliness

Being uninvolved in a church or another place where you can volunteer also seems to have larger impacts on the elderly. Perhaps because the connections formed there can give you some commonality of purpose and a desire to help others, involvement in these types of things, keeps people from being lonely. Knowing that you are contributing to society and that your input is needed and appreciated can do a great deal to stave off loneliness and depression. Those who choose not to be involved in these have higher rates of loneliness. Find out small ways to get involved in an activity that interests you, but also helps others. It will be beneficial for the organization and for you!

You may be feeling lonely and isolated, but that does not mean you have to become and extreme extrovert to overcome those feelings. Sometimes it is the small, daily acts that can have the largest impact over the course of months of our lives! Initiate conversation. Get a hobby. Start volunteering. Recognize the loneliness dissipate.

Cultivating Friendships

Some people say blood is thicker than water. Family is important, that much is certain. One thing about family, however, is that it cannot be chosen. You are born or adopted into a family, it is not your choice. With family, it is chosen for you & it is an amazing thing, but even more astounding is when you can make choices regarding with whom you’d like to spend your time. Some people use the word “friend” loosely. They use the term to describe any acquaintance with whom they come into contact. Real friendships, however, are those that are intentional & in which you invest your time and energy. Your meeting may be coincidental, but a long-lasting friendship will need more than a chance meeting. It will require time, care and consideration in order to grow.

Just as soil needs to be cultivated or loosened in order to grow plants, so also do we. We need to be able to be relaxed in order to focus our attention on another individual. If you are extremely stressed, you may need a friend to lean on, but that is not the time to try to make new friends. You’ll be unable to focus on their needs. Because friendship is reciprocal, you can use a stressful situation to deepen a relationship, but do not begin a new one in that way. If you do, your relationship may continue to follow the same pattern of one friend always advising and the other friend always needing advice. Instead, start your friendship when things are relatively normal and stable.

Set aside time to talk. Whether it is on the phone or writing back and forth, you’ll need to communicate if you want to get to know someone better. Be sure that that communication involves asking many questions of the other person and showing interest in what they have to say. Even if they have interests that are directly opposite to your own, you can still be interested in them. Ask questions like, “Why do you like football so much?” or “Why is orchestral music your favorite type?” Once you know a little bit more about the subject, you’ll be able to ask more directed questions and perhaps eventually be able to dialogue somewhat intelligently on that particular subject. If you do not know anything about the subject, do not act as if you do, but rather admit that you do not. There is no shame in not knowing about something. It simply means that you’ve not been exposed to the subject material yet. If you know nothing about something that they are passionate about, just be honest. In reality, they’d probably be very excited to share their passion with someone else.

Make an appointment to get together to do something you’d both enjoy. While it is true that friendships can be maintained long-distance, most relationships can benefit through some quality time spent together. If you live a great distance from one another, make arrangements to meet in the middle at an inexpensive location to spend the weekend. Or, take turns hosting the other person. Whichever way your choose to work it out, be sure that your costs are split evenly and that the activities are things that you’ll both enjoy. If it ends up being a good experience, you’re more likely to repeat it. If it is boring or annoying for one of the parties, they’ll not want a repeat & you’re sure to grow apart.

Help one another grow. If you recognize certain destructive behaviors in a friend, find out from them if they’re willing to talk about it with you. Sometimes this is a good thing to discover at the beginning of a friendship so you know whether they will be a life-time friend that will help you grow into a deeper person or more of an acquaintance. Start a conversation by saying, “I tend to be very direct with my friends if I notice that something is off or if it seems like they are making choices that may harm them. Will it annoy you or offend you if I do that with you?” Also let them know that you would expect them to do the same with you if they notice things that are not good. This lets them have an option of deciding that they would not like to be that close & also prepares them for a more direct approach in the future so that you will not need to tiptoe around difficult subjects. Often, people are uncomfortable with this type of honesty, especially if they’re dealing with addictions. It is always better to be aware of this before you invest loads of energy and time with a person. If they will end up resenting you for the perceived interference, you do not want to begin.

Pay attention to how your friend shows that they care. If they complement you with words often, they probably appreciate words. If you shower them with gifts and never say positive words they may not perceive it as care. If they like you to spend time with them & instead you send notes all the time, they may not consider you a caring person. People often will show you how they want to be treated by how they treat you. Pay attention & care for them in the way they need to be cared for.

Friendships are sometimes difficult, but are always worth it in the end! Keep up the good fight!

The Importance of Family In Difficult Times

I know, I know. Family can be difficult. It is a very familiar thing to hear others complain about second only to weather & spouses. People complain that their mother or father just doesn't understand, that their in-laws need to mind their own business & that even their grandparents should keep their thoughts to themselves. All of those things are probably true for most families. We could all learn to be more understanding, keep our thoughts to ourselves & mind our own business. But, if you can step back from the situation for a few minutes and ask yourself whether the things they are doing are really coming from a good heart, & because they care about you, you might just let some of those things go. It's a difficult thing to let go of offense, but it could just save your life in the future. Here's what I mean.

Your sister is constantly nagging you about how you spend your money, or how you discipline your kids. She makes comments about doing certain things differently. She has a “fix-it” mentality when you're looking for someone to vent to or to talk with. Let it go. Do you know why? Heaven forbid you come into a crisis financially in a few years time & need some solid advice & someone to keep you motivated to affect change. If you've burned your bridges, she'll no longer be there. She'll probably also be willing to help out with your kids while you focus on what you need to.

How about a parent who is constantly at you about going traveling so much? If you go through a painful divorce, those things will no longer matter. They'll have your back in the situation & probably help you in more ways than you can count.

And that brother that has always bothered you because he's had his act together since he was four? He might be the solid rock that holds the family together when a loved one dies.

Now, I realize that not every family is a fairy-tale universe. There are genuinely harmful & hurtful family members & in such cases, you need to set up boundaries. What I AM saying, however, is not to burn bridges unnecessarily with people who are simply irritating you at the moment. There is a huge trend right now to cut people out of our lives because they just don't understand or because we do not agree politically or because they are “haters” (which in some cases just means that they've questioned some of the choices we have made in life & it makes us uncomfortable). Those people with different strengths than we have often annoy us because we wish we were as competent in that particular area. But, we also need to realize that disagreeing with others does not indicate hate. In some cases, it means that they care about us enough to enter into difficult topics with us. They want to help us, even if we're unwilling to accept that help.

Yes, family can be annoying. They can be infuriating. They can be pompous. They can also be selfless. They can be soft when the world around is hard. They can hold you up when you're falling down. They can be there when everyone else has abandoned us. They've known you since you were little & know that your path has not been an easy one. So cherish that. Hang onto that. Accept that. And then, be the kind of family that you want them to be to you. Change & acceptance has to start somewhere, let it be with you.

The Role of Significant Relationships As We Age

Some say that relationships are the very stuff of life. Others say that you can only depend upon yourself to find fulfillment. While I’m sure that no one quite knows for sure, I suspect that there is truth in both statements.

Loneliness is a very real thing for many aging seniors. Isolation that is brought on by changing housing circumstances certainly contributes to the loneliness, & sometimes the deaths of those with whom we feel closest cause us to further isolate ourselves from others around us. Loneliness may seem like a normal part of life, but left unchecked, it can contribute to a large number of health risks. Depression, high blood pressure & dementia are some of the risk factors that have been associated with loneliness. Loneliness can also make it necessary to go into a long-term care facility much sooner rather than later in life. So, while many people want to pretend that they are islands unto themselves, the reality is that we need one another.

Having strong, significant relationships, whether they be spousal relationships or simply a good strong friendship can greatly increase your feelings of health & well-being. That relationship can keep your mind active & engaged, can help you get through hard times that you face, and can even help keep you in shape physically. People who have strong relationships tend to care more for their physical bodies through regular activity & care, even if it is not necessarily strenuous exercise. Relationship is good for us -very, very good.

That being said, if you are in a significant relationship that is extremely unhealthy or abusive, the relationship may be causing you more harm than good. Those that we choose to have in our inner circle must also be of a healthy sort for our own health to remain in-tact. You can not be surrounded with people who abuse or disregard you on a regular basis and hope to remain unscathed. Significant relationships affect us, whether we’d like to admit it or not. The great thing about relationships, however is that they require both parties to be actively engaged and only then will both parties benefit. If one person is putting in all the effort, the relationship will be a drain, at best. The hurt that can come from these types of relationships is very real. But to sink back into only depending upon oneself to avoid hurt is equally as unhealthy. We were made for good, healthy relationship with others. While we need to be okay with being who we are & not be afraid of doing things alone, we also need to be okay with spending less time & energy on people that are not reciprocating relationship. Finding friends that are healthy & that will benefit you is difficult & time consuming, but it is worth every effort that you put into it!

Relationships that are significant need not be romantic in nature. They are more often relationships where you find joy & connectedness without romance. You need those around you that you know care for you & with whom you can be your authentic self. You need those on whom you know you can depend when life throws things at you. You need others, and, like it or not, they need you!

5 Reasons Why You Need Close Relationships as an Aging Adult

We've all heard the phrase, “No Man Is An Island,” coined by John Donne in his poem. Most of us probably understand this to be a true statement. We recognize that significant relationships in our life can give us a feeling of connectivity with the rest of the world & help bolster our confidence when we're unsure of ourselves. But are there specific ways that close relationships impact the lives of aging adults? Is there a reason why we need to make sure that we keep up with key relationships in our lives as we age so that we can continue to enjoy a good life? Absolutely, and here's why:

As we age, our network of friends and families shrinks. It is a normal occurrence and takes place with everyone who ages. People that we love either pass away or they move away to be with their close family members. As this happens, our network goes down in number. This does not necessarily have to be a bad thing, as it opens doors for us to get to know other people in a deeper way...as long as we're open to that. Getting to know new people & learning about their lives & experiences can help keep us informed in the world and give us more interesting things to think about. It can also give us a new network of friendships through them.
It can be a significant factor in keeping us healthy! An article in the New York Times confirms this. "Other studies found that over time chronic loneliness is associated with high blood pressure, coronary heart disease, a diminished immune response, depression, sleep difficulties, cognitive decline and dementia."

https://www.nytimes.com/2012/09/12/business/retirementspecial/for-older-adults-close-connections-are-key-to-healthy-aging.html

If you've a genetic history of any one of these issues or diseases, building a strong network of close friendships could be a key to maintaining your health for longer periods of time.

We can help others! Not only will these relationships benefit us, but they will also be having the same benefit on those we care about. Keeping them healthy is important. Nurturing strong, close relationships (not large quantity, but rather quality relationships), is healthy for our entire family, neighborhood & society. This does not mean that if you have a neighbor who has been bitter about life for years that your friendship will counteract that in a matter of weeks & make her into a healthy person. Close relationships are something that each of us must choose as a priority to work on, and if one remains closed off from other people, it's simply not going to work. Being open puts us in a bit of a vulnerable place, but if you've weighed the options & find that you can trust someone, the benefits will far outweigh the risks.
There are also reciprocal benefit in other ways. You would not want someone to befriend you simply as a benefit to themselves, and in the same way, you would not do that to others. But, there is no denying that there are benefits to both of you from a relationship that may develop. Perhaps the other person is needing to move to an assisted living facility, but does not have the funds to hire movers. You, on the other hand, have quite a few able-bodied grandchildren that would love to help someone out! Perhaps your friend has a bountiful garden that they keep because they love digging in the dirt, while they don't really eat very much but you have a large family that appreciates good, local food. Maybe it's something as simple as having different magazine subscriptions that you can swap out. Whatever it is, there are almost always reciprocal benefits to any close relationship and those can help to foster good will between you.
Mental health benefits. We talked about physical health benefits above, but close relationships can also have a huge impact on mental health. Knowing that there is someone else out there that is somewhat dependent on you can be a big help in having a purpose to get out of bed in the morning. In fact, without those friendships, people often lose their ability to live independently, even if there is nothing significantly wrong with them from a physical health standpoint. Loneliness can adversely impact our lives to a debilitating degree. Keeping those we love close can boost our emotional well being and spur us on to our next great adventure!

Take steps today to reach out to form a new friendship if you've not done so in awhile. Nurture the relationships that you have.

It is good for everyone!

How to Share Your Memories for Future Generations

Living a full life is something to be proud of! It's been a terrifying journey, full of things we never thought possible. It's been a fantastic journey, full of beauty unable to be expressed. At time, let's be honest, it's been a difficult journey, full of daily drudgery or combat against enemies seen or unseen. Our lives encompass so much during their courses that it's difficult to know where to start when you'd like to share your story. One finds themselves only able to share snippets of the tale in a way in which the listener has patience for. That is why it is a particularly good idea to work on recording it for future generations all in on spot.

What if I can no longer write for long periods of time? That is actually a much more common excuse than you know. You could choose to have a family member write it down for you or you could record it verbally onto a device that someone would be able to easily use when you're finished so they can transcribe it if they desire. Stories have a much warmer feel, generally, if there is someone there to listen, so if you choose to do it via a recording, it still may be a good idea to have a loved one present.

Where do I begin? At the beginning, of course! Since this is your own memoir, be sure that you start with your date & place of birth. List any details here about what you can remember of your parents or grandparents dates & places of birth, too. It will help the story readers later on to be able to flesh out who those people are, since they may not have had the pleasure of meeting them in life. Many times in history these important facts have been left out in storytelling, and it makes it challenging for those who are researching to go back and try to piece the information together. Did you hear any stories about your birth? If so, this is the best place to situate them in your story.

Then, you should naturally progress into your childhood years. How many siblings did you have? What were/are their names & ages? Tell about what you remember about them. Were any of you particularly mischievous? Were any particularly kind & compassionate? Share stories that make you laugh. Also, share stories that make you cry. It's important for future generations to know that life can be joyful & difficult and still worth living!

What do you remember about your childhood home? Where was it located? Is it still there? Do you remember anything about the house/houses that you grew up in that would be unusual by today's standards? Did you have a well or outhouse? Did you cover the windows or walls against the cold wind in the winter? Did you have animals around the house? Did you keep livestock? Do you have any stories from butchering day or from the gardens? What did you do to occupy your time as a youngster?

The teen years can be an embarrassing time for any of us, but do you have stories from those years? When did you get your drivers license? What types of cars did you ride in? What was your first job & how did you feel about it? What new responsibilities did you have as you came of age?

Was your early life wrought with success from early on or did you struggle? How long was it until you felt as if you really had a handle on life's challenges? How many children did you end up having? Did you lose any children? What were your passions throughout this time period of life?

Throughout all of life, did you experience any life changing moments that you can pinpoint? Did you have any major accidents or terrible illnesses? Some things about your medical history may be very helpful for future generations that may face similar issues in their health. If there were things like, postpartum depression or other mental illnesses that were prevalent, now is the time to discuss them. There once was stigma attached to those illnesses, but there is much greater understanding about them these days than there ever has been before. It may help to share them. Are there certain things that you would do differently if you had them to do over again?

Many of these things are hard to think of all in one sitting, so it is good to be able to spread this journey out over a number of weeks. It can be emotionally draining, but think of the value to future generations!

If you find it too difficult to cover life in detail with just these few prompts, consider ordering a family heritage journal or getting a book about telling your story. There are a number of books & journals available for this purpose, including: “Grandmother, Tell Me Your Story,” and a similar one for Grandfather.

Do not be discouraged if you forget to include things along the way. You will not do it perfectly, none of us can. It's important, though, to do as much as we can so that those who come behind us know what it meant for us who paved the way...and a partially written legacy is much better than one forgotten altogether!