Care-giving After Hospital Stay

Many people experience hospital visits in their golden years. Bodies begin wearing out and the struggle against certain ailments or diseases can be grueling.  It is common for people in older age to go in because they've broken a bone, or had a stroke, or ended up with pneumonia that needed to be treated in hospital instead of at home.  There are also a number of scheduled surgeries and procedures that can cause elderly people to need extra care at home after they've returned, such as bypasses and a host of others.  The release from a hospital does not mean that they are clear to go back to normal activity, but simply that they are okay to go home as long as someone is there to care from them.  So with great love, many people take it upon themselves to offer care to the person who is being released.  They themselves will take care of this person who needs extra care and see to it that nothing else bad befalls them.  But often, the level of care-giving and the length of time that it takes for recovery is an unforeseeable part of the equation. They are signing up to have their lives turned upside down for an unknown period of time.  That can be exhausting and discouraging.  So whether you are a caregiver, or if you know someone who is, here are a few things to do to help avoid burnout and to ensure that the caregiver has the strength and energy they need to do their job well.

  1. Adequate rest. You'll need plenty of rest, but how can you come by this if you need to be up all night, every night watching someone?  Call on backup!  Whether it is extended family or friends that you need to call in, or even putting a call out at church, you need sleep.  You'll not be able to adequately function if you do not have rest.  Ask them to come and sit with the person during the day so that you can go and get a nap.  Lack of sleep can have symptoms similar to drunkenness and your cognitive abilities really do decline.  Remember that you are responsible for another person's well-being, so if you won't do it for yourself, then do it for the person you're caring for.   If you know of someone who is a caregiver, offer a few hours of time that you can sit with their loved one so they can get a nap.  If you're a close friend, offer it more than once a week.
  2. Time away. If you feel you're getting enough rest, then also plan in some time away each day. It's important, especially if the care you are offering is for a very lengthy period of time, that you have some space from the situation and the individual.  It doesn't matter how much you care for one another, if you're cooped up in the same house with someone for weeks on end, you can get a little abrasive toward one another.  So take some time to go and re-charge, do something that interests you and energizes you and then come back to the situation.  If nothing else, you'll have something new to talk about!
  3. Eat well. It can be tempting in these situations to feed your loved one what they need and forget almost entirely about what your own body needs.  Keep up with your nutrition and also with your vitamins.  Make sure you're having adequate amounts of vegetables.  It is amazing how these simple things can fly out the window in times of stress, when our bodies need them the most.  We tend toward comfort food when times are hard and also when we're exhausted. So keep pumping in those veggies and notice an improvement in energy levels and mood.  If you're a friend, bring meals high in vegetable content so that you know they are getting some good vitamins and minerals at least occasionally.
  4. Hydrate! This is one of the top items that people forget in times of long-term stress.  Drink plenty of water!  Ask someone to pick up lemons or limes from the store so you can have fruit juice in your water for an extra treat.  Get some herbal teas if it's cold outside so that you can warm up and hydrate at the same time.  You'll not only have more spunk, you'll also sleep better when you are able to sleep because of the hydration.
  5. Know when to say 'no more'. This care giving is one of the most daunting tasks you'll likely ever have to perform.  If it is getting to be way too much for you to handle, admit it.  You can't endure it forever.  If you need support from other family members, ask for it.  If there aren't family  or other professionals to call on for back-up, seek help from either an assisted living facility or a nursing home facility.  There is no shame in this.  Even if your loved one is not happy about it, there comes a time when this may be necessary in order to preserve your own health.  Do not allow yourself to get so depleted that you'll be unable to make adequate care decisions for them and for yourself. It's imperative that you keep evaluating throughout your process of care giving to see whether they are genuinely improving to the point that they can be on their own or whether you need help.

Remember, as a care giver, you are arranging a huge portion of your life to accommodate the needs of the one you love.  This is admirable.  It is also grueling.  Do your best to take care of yourself  so that you can care adequately for the one you love.

Traditional Christmas Fare

In many countries and cultures throughout the world, celebrations of major holidays revolve around loads of particular foods that are only made during that celebration.   In America, the celebration of the Christmas holiday is traditionally centered on a full host of different kinds of food. Because our cultural fingerprint has changed over time, some of the foods that were traditional for a certain subset of Americans living in a certain place has changed as they’ve accepted traditional foods from other cultures that they come into contact with.  The melting pot mentality can clearly be seen as you look over historical records of holiday foods.

 

As more people eked a place out of the woods for their families, they also began keeping more domesticated animals.  Eventually the ground was prepared enough to be able to have gardens that produced enough that could be prepared for larger feasts.  In the South, you’d notice that pumpkins, sweet potatoes and lemon pies became more standard fare.  In the North, you would find far more apple & pear desserts along with breads and stuffings made from the products obtained through extensive wheat fields.  Wild turkeys were often on the menu throughout the US because their range covers nearly the entire nation.  Rabbits were another common meat fare that everyone loved.

Early in our nation’s history, holiday meals were heavily dependent upon the foods that were readily available.  Venison, wild fowl and berries and nuts gathered from the forest were a large part of the fair for those who lived further inland.  For those on the coast, oysters or oyster stew, fish, ducks and geese were more common.  But if you look at the westward movement in our country, and agricultural expansion, traditions and cookbooks changed over time.

In modern times, our tables are often determined by foods that are the most readily available from processing plants, since most of us are not willing to go out and get our own foods from the land.  Turkeys and hams are often very abundant.  As food from other cultures becomes readily available at the market, many people choose to change traditions and add in things like spring rolls or tamales for their Christmas meal.

One of my most memorable Christmas meals was when the food that was brought to the table had all been raised, grown, foraged or hunted by those in attendance.  Some brought hams from a hog they’d raised & the sweetest sweet corn I’ve ever tasted.  Someone else brought a venison roast and a small amount of wild turkey & grouse.  There were pumpkin pies made from pumpkins from the garden.  Apple & pecan pies from trees in someone else’s yard.  Crackers held jalapeño/raspberry jam that was prepared by someone who had both of those things at their place.  Asparagus canned from summer, carrots and potatoes dug in the late fall.  All of the offerings were labors of love & it was not even an intentional sharing of goods, it just happened that each person had been successful in their hunting, farming and gathering that year and desired to share it with those they loved.  Perhaps the only thing that were not produced from scratch were the wheat that the bread was made from, the butter and the cheese.

While this is a nostalgic memory for me, I fully realize that this will not happen every year in the modern times in which we live.  This year while you are celebrating, consider looking at the things you already have in abundance.  Of course, we all love to have certain things on the table for the holidays, but over the full scope of history, the meals were more representative of the fare that was readily available rather than one specific dish.  The main consideration when sitting down to your holiday meal is to be thankful for those you eat with and thankful for the food you enjoy.  If those two elements are in place, it really doesn’t matter what adorns the table.  It will be a meal to remember!

Long Term Planning For Family Members

Whether you're thinking about parents, grandparents or another aging family member, it can be difficult to think about their health & life journey very far into the future.  We're much more comfortable thinking about them as younger, carefree & vibrant than imagining that their lives could look much different in even a 5 year span of time.  The reality is, however, that they will continue to age just as we will.  In some families, this is an easy & comfortable conversation.  In many Eastern & Near Eastern families, there is no question about where aging elders will go, they stay with family.  In Western culture, things are not so cut & dried.  Whether you've thought about this or not, it is important to communicate with those you love about this particular subject in order to find out their thoughts & hopefully to have a plan in place if/when it becomes necessary.

In some families, an elderly person will no longer feel comfortable living on their own once a spouse or significant other has passed on.  If you suspect that this would be the case, it's important to open that discussion.  Though it is difficult to think about, the reality is that many people will live out their elder years without the spouse of their youth. If the person who passed away is the more gregarious and independent of the two, this can cause some issues. Some people have depended upon another person for so many years that they may not be able to adequately function independent from another.  An example of this is someone who has never gotten their driver's license or someone who has never had to take care of any of the bills that come with day to day life.  If they have always had someone to take care of these things, they may not feel up to the task of learning them at an extremely late phase of life.  You'll most likely have to open discussion about whether they would want to learn those skills & remain independent or whether they'd prefer to move into a place where those things are taken care of.  There are certain group elderly care facilities or assisted living homes that have transportation options available for those who'd like to utilize them.  Alternatively, if they are rather independent, but just need help with bills, you might be able to offer your services to help them learn the ropes, or offer to do bill paying once a month.  The world has changed greatly in the past 50 years & things that are simple & straight forward to us are sometimes very foreign to the elderly in our midst.

If the elderly person you're arranging for is very active & energetic, look into group living situations.  In some states it is becoming popular for elderly friends to cohabitate together for mutual benefit.  They may choose a home or a few homes located in close proximity that they'll buy together & divide responsibilities while also having someone around for company & to keep watch on one another.  This would only work if the people involved knew one another quite well & if the legal ramifications were well documented.

  One of the main things that needs to be decided in the lives of aging seniors is whether or not they will spend a transitional time living with one of their children or grandchildren.  How will that play out?  Is that even an option?  Whether it is or is not, the possibility needs to be discussed so that both parties are aware of expectations that may be there.  Perhaps the aging individual would never want that because they'd rather not feel like a burden.  Perhaps the child or grandchild would never want their aging family member to have to go into a home.  As long as the plan is acknowledged & agreed upon by both parties, it will make the transition much smoother when the time comes.  Changing a way of life can be incredibly stressful, but if some of the ramifications are discussed in advance, the stress level drops tremendously.

When care in an assisted living facility or by a family member becomes unrealistic, options beyond these will also need to be addressed.  Is a full time nurse an option or is a nursing home more realistic?  Where are the finances going to come from for each of these things?  These items are not necessarily things that need to be decided at the onset, but preferences should be known in advance so that hard feelings do not develop.

Planning for the golden years & beyond is a difficult task.  It is akin in stress levels to a child transitioning from high schoolcollege to going off into the world.  Sometimes the preferences are not clear cut, & sometimes they are unrealistic.  Through compassionate discussion & empathy, however, we can find solutions that will be good for all the parties involved so that our loved ones can live out the remainder of their lives in comfort & peace, knowing that they are loved & safe.

 

 

 

 

De-Cluttering & Other Free Gifts To Give to Your Children (and Grandchildren)

Let's face it, minimalism is trendy right now.  Everyone is wanting to de-clutter, streamline, cut back & clear things out.  Perhaps it is a commentary on our culture of “too much”.  Over-abundance is creating extra stress & the more we accumulate the more stressful our lives become.  There is so much that we cannot see what is truly important.  The table is so cluttered that we cannot find our keys.  So, in the spirit of minimalism, here are a few thoughts about what seniors can give to their children & their children after them without increasing the amount of stress in their lives (and perhaps help to decrease it a bit!)

De-cluttering your own space.  Instead of waiting until the day when you may be forced to move into  smaller accomdations, think about beginning to go through your things now.  Get rid of things that you would not feel comfortable gifting to donation centers.  Yes, they may have worth, or may be useful, but if they've not been actually used in years & are not donation ready, perhaps it is time to let them go.  Gather important items, like family heirlooms, and photograph them.  Make a small booklet with the story of each item & why it is important to your family so that when it comes time to move, you can show it to whomever is helping you & they will understand the things of value.  Lastly, DONATE! If there are specific items that you know your family members could really use, feel free to ask them if they'd like them.  If not, choose your favorite donation center & start hauling!  Remember, your gift to your children is that they will not have to spend weeks wading through your belongings, trying to sort through the things that matter versus the things that don't.  Anyone in that situation is bound to start throwing things out willy-nilly because they just CANNOT take any more sorting!  Gift them with the task already finished & a home cleared of unnecessary clutter.

Another amazing gift to give to your children is a family health history.  Take a few sessions to write as much as you can remember about your own health issues over the years.  Also include as much as you can about your spouse's health history & that of your extended family.  If you have it all bound together in one spot, it will be a great resource for them & their children.  It can give them an idea of things they can do to prevent health issues in their own lives (dietary changes for pre-diabetics, for instance).  It can also help them to understand what may be going on with their current health (if they notice post-partum depression listed or described by other family members).  This resource would be free to give & could end up saving them tons of money in unnecessary tests if family health history could point in the right direction for a particular cure.  It can also save them from unnecessary anxiety.

A will.  While it may not be exactly free, making your intentions known is certainly free.  Make a proper will if you can.  Include everything important.  Before you even get to that step, though, just having a written document that lets your family know your intentions can be a gift of itself.  Let them know if you'd like to be buried or cremated, if you have already taken care of the funeral expenses or burial plots.  Let them know if there are specific items that you'd like to go to specific individuals or charities.  Having all of that planned is a wonderful gift to give, and while they may think it a bit morbid if you bring it up, they'll be terribly thankful when the time comes and they don't have to make all of those decisions on their own.

A memories book.  Writing a book of memories will be a joy for those who come after you, especially grandchildren & great-grandchildren.  Write down things that you remember from your childhood, your first job, your first car, how much you earned at said job, etc.  The mundane things of life will be terribly interesting to those in future generations as they try to piece together what your young life must've been like.  Of course, also include important events, dates, etc.  Just be sure that there is a record of your life somewhere.  It is something that everyone always says they want to do.  Phrases like, “I should really record Aunt Mildred talking about the family history,” but rarely actually gets done.  Gift your memories to those after you so that they do not have similar regrets.

Memories WITH your loved ones.  If you haven't been with your children or grandchildren regularly, begin making opportunities for you to get together.  Even if it is simply to invite them over for coffee & cookies.  The occasion need not be grand, simple is best.  If you live far from them, open correspondance via phone, email, or even (gasp) the old fashioned postal service.  Connection is a gift  that ties many generations together.

There are probably hundreds of things that you could give as gifts to your family that do not require a shopping trip or any money exchange.  I'm sure you'll think of more.  These are gifts that will be long term & will pay lasting dividends of peace of mind in their lives, and in yours!

5 Benefits of Stretching For the Elderly

  The benefits of stretching have become fairly well-known in more recent years.  There is a time period, however, when these benefits were not commonly known or talked about.  That time period is one in which many of our elderly friends and neighbors grew up.  The benefits of hard work & fiscal responsibility were talked about a great deal, but care for the muscles of one’s body was not thought of as important.  In this article, we’ll lay out 5 reasons why we should stretch & any specific benefits to the elderly from this effort in hopes that you’ll be able to benefit from the stretches yourself & also explain to an elderly friend why it’s so important.

  1. Stretching improves your body’s circulation.  Even if a person stretches for no other reason, this reason should be enough!  Improved circulation can benefit an individual in a number of ways.  It protects against blood clots, helps maintain vitality & functionality of extremities, helps maintain your body’s temperature, etc.  If your blood is not able to move freely throughout the muscles of your body, your body cannot perform as well as if it has constant, sufficient blood flow.  Begin with stretching large muscle groups & be sure that any knots that you find in the muscles through this process are worked out of the muscles through stretching & massage.  You’ll be able to feel the difference when blood is moving freely vs. when it is inhibited.
  2. Stretching builds strength. Some people wonder how stretching can build strength.  Isn’t it just a few movements that make your muscles feel a bit better?  It is, yet if you do those stretches regularly enough, you build more muscle over time.  Think about the muscles that are pulled at during stretching.  While you are stretching those muscles, many other muscles are put to the test in order to form resistance to stretch against.  One group gets stretched & improved blood flow, another group gets worked out at the same time.  It is a win-win situation!
  3. Stretching improves flexibility. Because the water levels in our body often decrease with age, the joints & ligaments in our body can tend to become dehydrated & thus stiff.  Hydrate first, then stretch, then hydrate again.  Joint & ligament stiffness can be greatly improved by those simple steps.  Many people like to skip the hydration step, because if you hydrate often, you also need to visit the bathroom often, but it is tremendously important to good health.  Stretching will be greatly aided by hydration & your joints will thank you!
  4. Stretching improves your range of motion. It may not be by much at first, but if you keep at it, stretching can help a great deal. Being able to bend down and touch the floor without becoming unbalanced is a very difficult thing for most elderly individuals.  After stretching for several months consecutively, you may find this much easier.  Your risk of falling decreases while your range of motion & flexibility increases.  This alone is a reasonable justification to make stretching a part of your daily routine at least a few times a day.
  5. Stretching improves your posture. We tend to shrink or slouch downward and inward as we age.  Stretching promotes the movement of our bodies upward and outward.  This is important for our core to be healthy.   Think of all of the internal organs that are housed in your core.  If they are all smashed together as you slouch in your chair, they will all be compromised!  Lungs crushed together with your diaphragm & stomach cannot fully expand & thus your breath will be inhibited.  If your bladder is squeezed somewhere in between, it’s capacity is diminished.  Heartburn is more likely to occur.  Stretching along with core building exercises will help keep that posture in good shape so that you can sit comfortably without slouching & receive the full benefit from a body that is functioning properly.

This is quite obviously not a comprehensive list of the benefits of stretching, but regardless of whether all of the benefits are listed, you ought to be able to see that it is an excellent routine to build into your day.  Check online to find specific videos that help elderly patients to stretch safely, especially if falling is a concern.  There are a number that start people stretching in chairs so that they can receive the benefits without the risk. 

 

Helping The Elderly (And Ourselves) Let Go

 I remember as a 10 year old kid being asked to help an elderly neighbor clean out an attic she was unable to climb to anymore.  It was a beautiful attic with large, floor-length windows in an old Victorian house.  I was amazed as she requested box after box...knowing exactly where they were placed & precisely what was in them.  I was amazed because that attic was CRAM PACKED with every conceivable thing that a person could want or need.  She was sorting through things she hadn't held in 40-50 years.  She was getting them ready for a garage sale or to donate to someone who may want them as she knew her time was drawing nearer.  She had a terminal illness & wanted to do this service for her children since she didn't want to leave them with a burden of stuff to sort if she could still do it.  Why had she kept it all?  “Just in case I might need it some day.”  Old games were kept in case she came across that missing piece.  Jars were kept in case she decided to take up canning.  Bits of yarn because they were useful.  Rocking horses for great or great-great grandchildren.  Trunks full of polyester clothing might be useful for someone to wear or to make a quilt, at the very least.  Thankfully this attic was well organized & labeled or it could have been worse than it was.  Most attics, garages & other places where we keep things are not.

It seems that many of us are compelled to hold on to material items.  They are useful.  You wouldn't want to set up house without a saucepan, a frying pan & a stockpot.  The problems start to arise when a 2 person household has 5-10 saucepans, & the same amount again of frying pans & stockpots.  When the amount of clothing is unable to be worn even within on year's time.  When the pens dry up from being stored for so many years without use.

Oftentimes this is all accumulated quite innocently.  Someone passes on their items to said person.  That person, in turn, sees that the item is useful and keeps it around “just in case”.  Sometimes this works in our favor.  We've acquired an extra toaster somehow & our old one goes out the next week.  Much more often, however, the items that we accumulate sit and wait for years or for never.  So what's the harm, you say?  If the items are just going to sit there, why not let them pile up?  Because they DON'T just sit there.  Every item that you bring into your home (basement, attic, garage, shed, storage unit) has to be thought about, moved around & cared for. If more items are added, then the previous items need to be gone through & moved around in order to make space for the new.  It's all very mentally exhausting & time consuming.

The first step in letting go of these items is to recognize the mental room that you are giving to them. If you were to keep a tally of how many times thoughts like, “I should go through that” or “I should organize those” went through your head in a given day, you'd probably be surprised at the amount of head-space you're giving to innocent items lying around.

The best way to begin letting go is to gather all of the like items together into one place. Marie Kondo introduced this technique for beginning to put items in order in her book, “The Magic Art of Tidying Up”.  Do not try to de-clutter one room at a time. Start by gathering all like items in one place. If you have 10 vases in one cabinet, a couple dozen downstairs, and several others scattered throughout the house, you'll never know just how many you really have until you gather them together. Books, for instance, should all be retrieved from various parts of the house & brought to one, central location for you to go through & cull that which is no longer useful to you.  That does NOT mean that it doesn't have value, just that it's already served it's purpose in your life (or the life of your aging loved one) and that you're letting it move on to help someone else now.

  Work through why you or they may have kept so much while you cull.  Things might have been tight while you were growing up.  They may remember rationing during wars.  There may have been times of economic hardship when they or you had to use every bit of human ingenuity to scrape through & survive that time of life.  As you go through items, be thankful that they had what it took to survive & help  them realize that it wasn't the stuff that helped them survive, but rather the stuff they were made of.

 

Letting go will open all kinds of doors that they (and you) never realized were slowly closing.  And it will bring you a bit of room to think about what's next & where you'll go from here.  Enjoy that space. Enjoy that freedom.

Be sure to start with things that they are not emotionally attached to, then work your way to keepsakes.  It's easier to deal with the keepsakes if you leave them to the end.  Oftentimes the process of letting go becomes easier once we've dealt with the fear of not having enough.  Letting go of all of the other items, also, has the added benefit that they'll have more time to devote to things like family photos, stories & memories.  They will also have more space to display meaningful items-more time to contact those whom they've been to busy to reach out to for years.

Accepting Help

  How often have you helped those around you who are in need?  If you are an extremely giving person, the aging process & the need to accept help from others can seem somewhat humiliating.  Whether it's help with household repairs that require a ladder, or help with much more than that once you've gone into an assisted living situation, we can sometimes be resistant to offers from others for assistance.  Why is this so difficult?

There are a myriad of reasons why we struggle with accepting help.  Some of us have a hard time seeing ourselves as growing older.  Aging is so gradual that it often creeps up on us as we carry on with an exciting life.  If this has happened to you, you may not realize that you can't do certain things until a sudden incident makes it very clear to you.  The mental adjustment to the aging process can take the wind out of you!  Other reasons may include pride (it's difficult to admit that we have needs), or not knowing whom to ask for the help that we need.  If we're not entirely at ease with the person from whom we're asking assistance, it can certainly make us more hesitant.  So what are some ways to overcome our resistance & get the help that we need?

  1. Analyze your pride. If you have a very difficult time because you do not want to appear “needy” or like you're taking advantage, spend some time analyzing how you think of others who are in need.  If you struggle with seeing others in a less than stellar light, perhaps now is a time to develop a bit more compassion for those who cannot do for themselves.
  2. Remember that you have given much. You have spent your life enriching the lives of other people. When you spend your life in this way, you may be very comfortable with seeing the needs of others, while forgetting about your own.  Know that we all have needs eventually, & your contribution to the lives of others is now just being returned to you.  You have given to others, not expecting a thing in return & you were most likely blessed in the process.  Allow others to give to you during this time & be blessed through it.
  3. Work on being more open with people. Of course, you need to be sure that person you're talking with are trustworthy individuals, but openness is something that is good to establish.  It can take a long time for anyone else to discover that you have a need if you're not transparent about it.  If you're comfortable with a trustworthy person, tell them what your particular need is. Do not necessarily expect them to meet the need that you have, but ask them to brainstorm with you about how you could meet that need, or ask for advice about what they think you should do. Sometimes the needs can be as simple as needing help with weeding a garden.  Maybe they know of a middle-schooler that would like to do such a thing in exchange for some produce for their family.   There are often creative ways that we can meet needs if we're willing to discuss them.  The solutions are often things that we wouldn't have thought of on our own!

There is no shame in having needs.  Everyone does.  If you are aging, they will become more prevalent.  You may not have as much family living that can help you out as in the past.  Things change greatly over time & that is something that happens to everyone.  If you find yourself in need, please do not hesitate to ask for help.  You might be surprised when you find the need met!