Pass On What You Know

There is a long held belief that wisdom comes with age. While I'm not sure it comes just with the passing of time, it may be true that it comes with a multitude of life experiences. Life experiences come in many forms, through difficulty and triumph, in good times & bad. The ones that seem to stick with us longer are generally the ones that were harder to learn. After going through so much effort to learn what we have learned, it would be a tragedy for that knowledge to pass on with us. While we cannot give another person the actual experience, we can give them the next best thing...the gift of story. Throughout centuries, people have shared their history, their experience, & their knowledge through story. It is important for us to continue this tradition, especially in the modern age when there is a temptation for people to think that knowledge is mostly gained through technology.

Think through some of the most important lessons that you've learned in your life. Prioritize them. What is number one? Was it learning to stand up for yourself when others were against you? Was it learning how to deal with the loss of a loved one? Was it learning how to deal with a child that seemed against you for a time? If you have 3 or 4 experiences that jump into your mind, write them down.

Next, consider the people that you are surrounded with that may benefit from the knowledge you have to offer. Family would be an obvious choice for this, as it will be more meaningful for them to know about your experiences if you've been close to them. If you do not have family that is close geographically or emotionally, think about others that surround your life. Choose one person to whom you will tell one story in the next couple of weeks.

Think through the details of your story & decide which details to leave out. We can get bogged down in the details while telling the story. Try to keep it interesting, but short. If the person is intrigued, they will ask for more details. If you are undecided, try writing it out, or recording it as you tell it, then play it back again. Most smartphones have the option to record your voice.

If there is genuinely no one that you would feel comfortable sharing with, consider writing it out or recording it for future generations to benefit from after you are gone. Some parts of our story may shed light for our families on our behaviours, & why we feel so strongly about certain subjects. Oftentimes the things about which we feel strongly are imprinted in us because of a difficult situation. Maybe you feel strongly about women's rights because we've felt inequality or worse. Maybe you've dealt with a deep sadness after a child's birth. Those things may not seem like things to pass on to children, but it can shed light on many things. Deep sadness after childbirth can help your grand-daughter know that postpartum depression might be genetic, & to seek help as soon as possible. Maybe you've been prone to drink too much & cause problems for your spouse or others. This can help future generations in your family to fit together pieces of family health history & to know what to look for so that they can avoid similar pitfalls.

While you are passing on tough lessons learned, also be sure to share light stories of beautiful times in your life. Share about your courtship with your spouse, about your first car or your favorite car, share the secret of your recipes, share where you've stashed meaningful letters & mementos. Though they are your experiences & your stories, they eventually become a part of your family's collective history when you share them. When we have shared history, we also have a very important part of emotional stability...a sense of belonging. Give that as a gift to those you love, you won't regret it!

What We Can Learn From Old Family Stories

The Holidays have a tendency to bring out stories from the past. It can be a great time of re-living tales of holidays past, or other entertaining memories. It can also be a time of disturbing or deeply saddening stories that tell tales of your family history. As family members age, sometimes they feel the freedom to finally speak about times past that they haven't been able to bring themselves to speak of before. These times are certainly meant to be enjoyed, but sometimes they can be greatly beneficial to those who are willing to think a bit more deeply about what they mean.

Listen attentively to the stories going around you. You may catch hints of the emotion behind them if you listen carefully. Ask questions for clarification if you do not understand certain parts. Ask about where the events took place, ask about the age of the people involved. Get as many details as you can so that you can record the stories for future generations to enjoy.

Record the stories later by writing them down in a special book that you've set aside for this purpose. If you speak with older family members on the phone frequently, consider keeping notebook beside the phone so that you can jot notes while you speak.

Think through the implications. If you hear disturbing stories about women in your family history who have gone through strange events after giving birth, consider whether that might mean that post-par tum depression could be a pre-disposition in your genes. If there are bizarre stories of ancestors, question whether mental illnesses might be prevalent. If several people struggle with alcohol or drug abuse, think about what that could mean. There might not be official health diagnoses from those time periods, but stories can give you valuable information that may shed light on struggles that surface in your own life or those of other family members.

Research. Find out if there are ways to ensure that you & your loved ones can overcome those undesirable things that have been recurring in your family history. Even if there are things that are not physical in nature, but rather more emotional. If you see tendencies toward bitterness or unforgiveness, consider how you could change that trajectory in your own life so that you don't have to live with that extra burden. Instead of lamenting about how awful things have always been, take a chance at changing it!

Focus on the good. When you hear family histories that are about good in nature, be sure that you share those with others! Take note of those around you who have attributes that you would like to adopt. If you have a grandmother who is uncomplaining despite physical pain, ask her how she maintains her positive outlook. If you have a family member that is always good at choosing the perfect gift for others, ask them their secrets. If you have a father who perseveres despite repeated hardship, ask where he finds his strength. In short, learn from those in your family that have things to teach. They may also have tons of other attributes that are not so endearing, but choose to focus on their strengths & improving your strengths.

Old family stories can be valuable just for passing the time of day, or they can be valuable for generations to come, it just depends on you perspective. Listen, to the good and the bad. Take the good & learn from the bad. Then tell the stories (and the things you've learned from them) to those younger in your family & continue the family history!