Suffering is nothing
new in our world. Many people are spared
from it for periods of time, but rarely is anyone spared from it for their
entire lives. Other people, it seems,
have more than their fair share. Our
attitudes cannot change the circumstances that we’re in with regards to
suffering. Trying to be happy, for
instance, will not make your cancer go away.
It will, however make it easier for others to be around you and increase
your ability to fight the cancer valiantly.
This is all easy to say and easy to advise when you are not in the midst
of suffering. But how do you genuinely
chase joy in the midst of hardship, pain, sorrow and suffering? Many elderly people have had much practice at
choosing joy throughout their lives and watching and learning from them can be
astonishing as they brace themselves for the diagnosis that no one would have
wanted. Some, however, seem to grow
bitter toward the end. The legacy they
leave is less than stellar and sadly, sometimes, relief if felt by their loved
ones when the pass on because their character changed so much for the worse
when they were forced to endure pain and suffering. So how do we do our best to be sure we can
stand in times of suffering?
- Ask for help before you are overtaken. Most people wait and endure until they can no
longer stand up under the struggle.
Whether it is financial hardship, the death of someone close, or severe
health problems, it is never a good idea to wait to ask for help. When the problem or hardship arises, begin
speaking with those close to you. You
needn’t go on and on about the issue, but be open about how you’re
feeling. They will most likely offer
prayers and help. If not, be brave
enough to ask. Not everyone will be
available to help, and that is not bad.
It is better for them to say no than for you to wonder if they might be
available or why they aren’t offering.
This gives you a more realistic support base. - Practice gratitude. Be sure to be tremendously thankful to anyone
who is able to help. In fact, being
grateful in all circumstances is a good practice whether you’re enduring hardship
or not. Gratitude helps us to take our focus from the problem and shift it away
to the good things happening in our lives.
If we have a debilitating disease and are still able to look around with
gratitude that we have a roof over our heads with clean water and heat, we are
also able to see other good things. Focusing
hard on how bad things are in our lives does not make the bad things go away,
it just makes us feel worse about the situation. - Outward thinking. We must think about our circumstance, and I’m
guessing you won’t have a problem doing that, especially if you experience
pain. But thinking about it & trying
to solve it can become such a mental spiral that we can get locked into it,
unable to escape. So set a period of time
that you will think about and try to solve it.
When the timer goes off, think about something or someone else. If you know of someone else going through a
hardship, see if there is something that they need that you can provide, or if
there is something you can do for them. If nothing else comes to mind, write
them a quick note to encourage them that you’re thinking of them and drop it in
the mail. - Outward doing.
If you have any extra time, even if you’re in the hospital bed, practice
this thinking and doing for others. You
may be able to write notes, knit or crochet, whittle, send magazine clippings,
make phone calls, paint, etc. so use what you know how to do FOR someone
else. - Rest.
When you’re having days that are just too much, give yourself permission
to rest. Be thankful that you have the
option of rest. If you’re unable to rest
because of pain, ask for something to help you sleep. Your body doesn’t just desire rest, it needs
it. If your suffering is such that it
makes this difficult, you may need help with it. Use a heating pad, try aromatics, try
melatonin. If you’re able to sleep, go
back to #2 and practice gratitude. If
you’re not, go to #1 and ask for help from a doctor.
Bubbly giddiness is
not a practical expectation for anyone experiencing great suffering. Steadfast, stalwart joy is, however,
achievable. It doesn’t even mean you
have to smile. What you are being asked
to carry is not light or easy. When
people are lifting heavy things, they rarely smile, but it doesn’t mean that we
need to be bitter inside. We can carry
it until we’re able to set it down again.
We can carry it without allowing it to crush us and make us hateful and
spiteful. So let’s carry it with joy
and let it be an encouragement to others who are carrying things far heavier
than our own loads.